She saved my life

The day my daughter died, my baby girl, my second-born was 5 weeks 4 days old. I breastfed her while EMTs tried to revive her sister. I called a friend to come over and take care of her while I went to the hospital to say my last good-bye to my firstborn. And when I got home, I had to pump because I'd gone nearly 6 hours without nursing her.

Without her, my husband and I wouldn't have gotten out of bed the next day. Without her, I would have stopped eating. I had trouble eating, and lost at least 5 lbs. in just a couple of days, but when I noticed my milk supply dwindling, started eating better.

There is some history of mental illness, depression, and the like in my family, on my mother's side. Bad things have happened, and not everyone has bounced back. At some point, I decided that someday, my girl will either be telling her friends one of two things. Either she'll tell them about the horrible things her mother went through, and oh my God, look how crazy she is. Or she'll tell them about the same horrible things and that I'm sane and strong despite all the trouble. That's the kind of example I hope to be.

She is 10.5 months old now. I still tell her all the time, you saved my life.