The path you walk

Everyone walks his or her own path in this life. It's easy to look back and see where you've been. Sometimes we look forward to things ahead of us. At other times, we look ahead and don't see anything at all. Realistically, even the things we look forward to are things we imagine on our paths--we don't really know where we'll go.

There are times probably everyone wishes they could go back to an earlier time, a part of the path that was enjoyable. You can't ever really go back, but I realize now that some things can be restored. If you get a divorce, you could remarry your ex. If you sell a house, you can one day buy it back.

There's no going back for me, absolutely no way to bring my daughter back. So instead of continuing on the path I was on before, one where I looked forward to her future, I've fallen down a cliff onto a new path. I can't climb back up, and it's sometimes so dark I can't see what's in front of me. I do often look up, trying to see where I've been, but that is so hard. I can't tell you how many times I tell my husband, let's go back to the old house, as though that would restore everything.

Living "one day at a time" takes on new meaning when you're faced with crisis. For many people, it's a way to keep from being overwhelmed. There are times when I find myself living one minute at a time. One thing that helps is remembering that even though I can look back at my path, I can't walk backwards. And I can't really see or know what's ahead of me.

A favorite reading, from an anonymous author:

There are two days in every week we should not worry about, two days that should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One is yesterday, with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed, forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed. Nor can we erase a single word we've said--yesterday is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow, with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and poor performance. Tomorrow is beyond our control. Tomorrow's sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise. And until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.

That leaves only one day--today. Any person can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when we add the burdens of yesterday and tomorrow that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives people mad, it is the remorse or bitterness of something that happened yesterday, and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.

Let us, therefore, live one day at a time.

I had some practice with this before losing my daughter. I did it in the extreme the day she died and in the days and weeks that followed. Now, over a year later, I have to remind myself that I can and should still do this. The remorse, bitterness, and dread of yesterday and tomorrow could easily drive me crazy. I have to focus on this part of the path, one day at a time, one minute at a time, to keep walking.