Chemical exhaustion

I've been wondering when this exhaustion, this feeling of being absolutely worn out will pass. Or IF it will. My therapist told me today that the feeling is chemical, physical, related to serotonin levels, which are affected by loss, grieving, and all the other stress I've faced. In most people, healing happens (physical, emotional, etc.) but that isn't always the case.

I was looking for more information, and found an article on complicated grief. It's interesting, I feel like I half fit the description. My longing to see my daughter again is so strong, I can feel it, see it, taste it. But I don't think grieving has stripped me of my humanity, as the article describes. It is hard to be interested in things. Maybe that's not a bad thing--I've always tended towards being a control freak, towards only participating in things I can do really well, or am really interested in. Maybe now I can sit back and let some of the world go by.

Would that be considered healing? I have no idea.

Now I have it in my head that when I finally feel at least somewhat rested after a good night's sleep, healing will have begun. I suspect, however, that this may take several more months, or even years. My daughter's death has become oddly abstract, as has her life. It took a lot of energy to change paths, to go from imaging the future with her, to imaging a future that includes her in my past, her death, and her absence from my future.

I'm still doing that. How do you let go of an imagined future? I think once I figure that out, I can call it healing. The day she died, I knew that only time would really make any difference. That's not entirely true--other people, things they've done and said, and things I've done or tried to do have helped. Counseling has helped. Just participating in life has helped.

But everything happens over time, so once again, hopefully over time, my chemical imbalance will be taken care of somehow.