Living for our children?

Someone told me today, that basically I shouldn't live for my child because she may one day disappoint me. I can't stop thinking about it. It actually really annoys me, because first of all, I already know that, and second of all, it doesn't mean I should do any less for my daughter now.

As I've said, the need to take care of her, rather than leave her to the care of others, is what got me out of bed and literally gave me a reason to live after my older daughter died. And really, before she died, I lived for my firstborn. I scheduled my life around. What parent doesn't? At the very least, you need childcare before you can do anything else, and have to make sure your child is fed and gets enough sleep.

My goal is to raise my daughter to the best of my ability, show her that she has choices, try to teach her to make good ones, and then let her go. I wouldn't say my parents have done that. They STILL try to tell me what to do. My father, just a couple of weeks ago, said something to the effect of "You never what might happen!" I politely told him that I was the last person who needed to be reminded of the unexpected, that in losing my daughter, I've expected more of that than he has. Which for once stopped his lecture or whatever it was.

Still, can't get this out of my head. The man who said it to me reminded me that I have a life, and that I should live it. I think I have come to that feeling now, though after losing my daughter, I felt like my life didn't matter. I'm running my first 5K on Saturday. I've never been much of a runner, but I've gotten into it (OK, more of a jogger, really) and actually enjoy it now.

I'm doing another run next month. A coworker signed up to do it for me, though she initially said she doesn't like exercise. When I asked her why she changed her mind, she said she's doing it because she can. That really stuck with me, and is why I decided to run this other race. One day, I may not be able to. My body, my mind, my heart might give out on me someday, but today, they're all working, and I plan to use them.

I feel anyone who doesn't give their heart and soul to something is probably lost. Some people give their all to their jobs, others to their faith, and others to their families. I'm trying to give my all to my daughter, and to myself. And to the man who tried to point this out to me, thanks, but I'm already there.