Other people (AKA Friends and Family)

When the police were at my house that day, and my daughter was taken to the hospital, they kept asking me if there was anyone they could call, if I had any family in town. And I kept saying no. Eventually I realized I'd need to call someone to come watch the baby. My grandma was staying with us, but she was in shock and didn't seem to understand what was going on.

So I started calling. I called the friend who lived the closest who I thought could come over first. She didn't answer. I called another friend. I called and called, and couldn't reach anyone. Eventually, I did get through to the first person, who agreed to come over though she seemed confused (she would later tell me that I seemed so calm that she didn't really understand what I was telling her had happened). I also reached another friend while I was being driven to the hospital, and she came over.

My husband and I were at the hospital for several hours saying goodbye. I called the house many times to ask my friends to get phone numbers from my husband's cell phone. One time, my friend asked if I wanted people at the house when we got back. I said yes, definitely, the last thing I wanted was an empty house.

When we got home, the house seemed full of people. And more people came as the day went on. There were at least a dozen people there at any given time from the day my daughter died until the day of her memorial. They talked to us, made sure we ate, drove us where we needed to go, took our clothes to the dry cleaners so we'd have something to wear to the memorial, and babysat our family members who'd come to town.

And then, everyone went home. But for several weeks, we still had a lot of visitors. My brother stayed in town a few days after everyone left. And then a friend who'd moved away came. She'd been planning to visit her family for a while, and ended up spending a lot of time with me. And then another friend, who had also planned a visit many months earlier, came and stayed, stayed longer than she'd initially planned.

We traveled for a while, and then had to get back to "real life." I started work again. But my best friend, who lives in another state, called at least twice a week and answered whenever I called. Other people called and checked on us all the time. I got emails from people I don't know IRL. It all kept me going.

It's been nearly 9 months. Things have changed. People have gotten back to their lives, for the most part. And we've had to. Well, I guess we didn't have to, there is always the choice to just hide under a desk screaming until someone injects you with a heavy-duty sedative and locks you up.

There are friends who I feel will always be there. And I'm trying to be there too, in whatever way I'm able. In this way, I feel anchored to something, and I feel like I can make it through another day. Just this one day, at least.