Tired

One of the grief books I read said that a parent who loses a child requires so much energy to just get out of bed in the morning and remember that the child is gone, that everything else is exhausting. I've found this is true for me. But maybe I'm not as exhausted as some, or maybe in a different way.

Getting out of bed was a struggle for a long time. If I stayed in bed, I could almost convince myself that she was still in her room asleep. After moving out of that house though, it was impossible to think that. I do still wake up every morning and remember that she's gone, though it's not always the first thing I think of.

And I am tired. Not so tired that I can't work. I had to go back to work last July. The first few months were really tough. I couldn't concentrate, and I hated still being in that house all day (I work full-time from home). But then we moved, and I got more into what I was doing, and working got a little easier.

There are still days when it gets tough. Like today--I'm having trouble concentrating, keep thinking about my birthday tomorrow and the anniversary of her death a week from today. Sadness and anger really wear me out. So I think I'll try some yoga, and sleep in, and maybe curl up somewhere and read a book.

That, I think is part of recovery. Giving your body, mind, and heart time to rest.